Christmas Pains: Managing Emotions and Difficult Relationships over the Holidays
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While the month of December is filled with sparkling lights, the joy of decorating, Christmas music and yummy food; it is also filled with much opportunity for many overwhelming emotions such as loneliness, anxiety and dread.
Holidays revolve around relationships, and thus the health of those relationships can shape the outcome of a positive or negative experience, if left without any thought or planning.
To the woman who is reading this right now who feels sadness, dread, loss of hope or stress… can I encourage you by reminding you: your chance for a better outcome is increased simply because you are reading this!
That is because you have taken one small step towards wanting change.
Not just that, but MOST importantly, God is in the business of change. I can’t guarantee other people will change, but I can remind you that God can help you. It might not be your trial that ends, or a relationship that is fixed overnight, it might not be the debt that instantly goes away or the loved one you miss who suddenly comes home…. but God is ALWAYS ABLE TO CHANGE THE ONE WHO WANTS TO BE CHANGED: YOU!
Not only do we have the weapon of God’s word in this situation, but we also have the skills and abilities God gave us in the natural. We can exercise some logical strategies together, through goal setting, couple this with Gods powerful word and then leave the rest up to the Lord.
Step One: Let’s ask some coaching questions:
What emotion did you first have when thinking about the holidays?
Are there any relationships that are difficult to navigate during this time of year?
The above questions may feel like yucky feelings are coming to the surface… and I know it is hard to be honest, but it is the first part of being aware. If you had a negative emotion surface, let’s take the next step by seeing what the Bible has to say surrounding this.
I went ahead and searched the word ‘lonely’, because many of us who are going through a trial can feel lonely internally even with much noise and busyness around us. In Psalms 25:16, David expresses his own struggle with this. “…for I am lonely and afflicted”. We are not the first to experience this emotion. If we read the verse both before after we also see a great example of how to retrain the focus of our thoughts surrounding this feeling, let’s read it together:
Psalm 25:15-17 NIV
15 My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 Relieve the troubles of my heart
and free me from my anguish.
David knew well that it was safe to bring those emotions to the Lord and also shows us that we are to: keep our eyes on the Lord, declare it is God who can save and to ask the Lord for what you need.
Going back to those two questions and applying this strategy, let’s ask a couple more questions:
Are your eyes fixed on the Lord?
Do you believe God can bring freedom, relief and grace?
Have you asked the Lord for what you need?
“Are you bringing that need to the Lord and are your eyes on His ability to heal and provide.”
For each emotion that was revealed, go back to the Bible and search that word. Then ask yourself those thought-provoking questions again.
Step Two: Let’s ask another set of questions to help seek action:
What is your idea of a successful holiday season?
Is it realistic?
Is this idea something that glorifies the Lord?
Are there any changes that need to be made to help amend this?
How can you bring God into the decision-making process?
Step Three: Let’s ask these same questions regarding the difficult person this Christmas:
What is your idea of a successful holiday season with this difficult person?
Is it realistic? (Taking into account you cannot change them and can only change you)
Is this idea something that glorifies the Lord? (Your actions and choices not the difficult person)
Are there any changes that need to be made to help amend this? (Refer back to number one: is it realistic?)
How can you bring God into the decision-making process?
The more time you can put into answering the questions above honestly and in preparing your realistic plan, the higher the opportunity for a positive Christmas experience. Yes, addressing emotions, and answering the questions connected to them can be difficult, but remember you don’t have to do it alone. I am a certified Biblical Life Coach with ten years’ experience in mentoring women. I would love to help you.
Please receive my gift to you this Christmas of 50% off all gift cards purchased through December 24th, 2022.
Have a very Merry Christmas, may God grant you the strength to successfully manage your emotions and struggles the next three weeks and thank you God for gifting us your Son, Jesus, the biggest source of TRUE HOPE!
Standing with you,
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Michelle is a Navy spouse and lives in North Carolina with her husband, three children and two dogs. She grew up in Australia but immigrated to America due to marriage. She is passionate about helping others together with life coaching skills and her empathetic nature but most importantly by redirecting each special woman to God, who ultimately is our source of perfect help.
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