criticism help isolation thoughts hope change

The last couple months I have been having a hard time. Sure, I am post-partum, and my hormones naturally are fluctuating. Sure, I am tired both physically and mentally from the demands of a newborn. Sure, I had a traumatic experience with my pregnancy, delivery, and recovery. However, I have also been in an environment of criticism, and it is taking a toll.

Why? Because my circumstances have created a time of isolation from fellowship with other believers but also time in God’s word, leaving me vulnerable.

This is not something that is new to me, and maybe it is not new to you either? Maybe you can relate to the difficulties of any of the above, or how the simple busyness and strain of different circumstances can create a depletion of the edification of God’s Word to renew your mind?

What I desire to share today is not just some comradery with fellow women who also struggle, letting you know you are not alone, but also to share the traps I fall into along with the vision God gave me this morning of how we can cover ourselves to withstand it.

Criticism isn’t just a part of my adult life but has been an area of sensitivity throughout childhood. You see, God made me with a unique sensitivity. This sensitivity allows me to see God’s children through compassion, love and gentleness: and the enemy will always find a way to take a strength and turn it against you. God also gifted me with the ability to speak, and again my gift of words is an asset but also an area of weakness when unbalanced.

Words hold a lot of weight to me, and though I couldn’t understand this as a child or as a young adult, with spiritual maturity I have learnt how this can be a trap. The trap is giving more weight to the negativity instead of giving full and due weight to the truth and promises of God’s Word. Without a healthy infilling of God’s Word, criticism tears me down.

Scripture tells us in Ephesians 4:29 to build each other up with our words. So, wanting to be spoken too in a healthy way IS God’s way; the problem I personally have is becoming too focused on the absence of human edification instead of being focused on the Lord’s edification which is fully (and perfectly, mind you!) capable of building us up.

You see, I have not been spending as much time in the Word of God, which means I was not getting as much edification. The one who criticizes may surely be unkind but remaining focused there in our thoughts only leaves us more hurt, because it is void of the hope we have in Christ to turn all things for good (Romans 8:26), void of the power of God’s Word to build us up (Acts 20:32) and the end result of becoming transformed into the image of Christ (Colossians 3:10).

As I took time to process all of the above the Lord was so sweet to impart the following to me as a visual representation:

Just like when it rains and you can stand under a tree to find a dry place, the health of the tree determines how much protection you will receive. A Tree with no leaves and a minimal extension of branches may very well still leave you exposed to the rain. However, a tree with full leaf coverage and a wide arch or branches can in fact stop the rain from penetrating, thus protecting you from the rain.

I thought of those criticizing words as the rain (and oh boy does it sometimes storm down), but the tree health is the example of how healthy we are. We may still be a tree with roots to Gods Word, but the roots may not be deep enough. to drink enough, to be as healthy as possible, to provide cover from the rain. Being depleted of time in God’s Word leaves us vulnerable to the negative words spoken against us. Not only that, but the very words that are spewed can even become food for maturity. Why an opportunity for maturity? Because it causes us to evaluate our spiritual health and dive deeper into the arms of the one who loves without fault.

Do you see yourself in this predicament sometimes? Maybe a lot? Do you struggle like me being around people who are harsh, negative and critical? More importantly, do you desire, like me, to change what you can, by changing yourself? By diving deep into God’s word to fill you with hope and strength and use this as opportunity for growth?

I am going to share with you how I quickly applied FIVE simple coaching steps to bring a small degree of change to my situation and you can do these too!

Let’s take a look!!

1. Take time to think of what the stumbling block is.

For me, the stumbling block was the changes in my physical circumstances of life with a newborn and my changing hormones which created isolation and a lack of time in God’s Word.

2. Brainstorm one simple change you can implement.

For me, I decided to meet in person for my ministry group instead of online. This would give an opportunity for both person-to-person fellowship as well as Biblical discussion and edification.

3. Address any new stumbling blocks which may stop you from implementing this.

The possible roadblocks are losing a little extra sleep due to evening commitments and having to listen to a baby who cries in the car.

4. Make any necessary changes to account for this and ensure you overcome.

I determined the decision to physically get myself out of the house and around other faith-filled women outweighed the other things I may be foregoing (like an earlier night to bed). Carpooling with a friend tackles the crying baby in the car. Having an extra set of hands with the baby also addressed the other issue of being exhausted.

5. Process how these changes will counter the toll criticism has been having.

I made a change I can control by changing myself. I also made changes that increase the time spent in the Bible, in prayer and in fellowship which will renew my mind and my body.

By making this one small change, my time in the Word of God increases, which allows my mind to be renewed to the truth. When my mind is renewed to the truth, I will be strengthened. When I am strengthened, I can endure even through exhaustion, hormones and seasons of difficulty. Why? Because of building the weight of God’s Word versus the weight of criticism!

Back to the visual representation God gave me earlier and how it applies to my coaching above:

I see the roots of the tree soaking in God’s Word, my mind are the branches, and the leaves are the truths. When the truth is full, the negative words (rain) do not penetrate. As God promises to turn all things for good, I see the negative words (rain) as a means to strengthen my need for being in the Word, which will produce further growth and strengthening.

I don’t see this happening perfectly, or even instantly. We are all human and with that we can sure go haywire at times, but with a strong resolve to never give up and to always go back to God, we can be sure we will grow.

If you are like me and struggle with criticism (the kind that isn’t constructive), remember today you are not alone. It can be unfair; it can hurt but we can always refocus and renew our minds by being built up by God’s Words. When we do, the peace that comes is one only the Father gives. It fuels us to keep forgiving and keep loving both ourselves and others.

Leave your prayer request below or reach out for a coaching session so you can apply some changes on overcoming this also.

Standing with you,